The Rewire Paradox: Redesigning New Ways of Burning Out While Trying to Escape It
I cannot believe how time flies and how I am nearly halfway through the experiment. When I sat down to map out the phases and milestones, I accounted for changes, surprises, wins, and losses — but not for the sheer gravity of the internal shifts I would undergo. I truly never anticipated pivoting this radically, nor did I imagine arriving at such systemic conclusions so quickly.
The realisation that online work, boutique companies, startups, and even traditional corporations all replicate — almost without exception — the same toxic conditions that breed burnout hit me like a freight train. Despite branding themselves differently, many of these models unwittingly reproduce environments that erode mental health and foster chronic nervous system dysregulation. It’s more than a personal issue; it’s an economic one. The black hole of financial loss due to untreated burnout, absenteeism, and cognitive disengagement is staggering (OECD, 2021).
Once I saw this clearly, a floodgate opened. My initial focus on seeking autonomy within the system gave way to a deeper, more uncomfortable question: what are the foundations of this system? How much is it costing us — financially, emotionally, creatively — to keep replicating models that do not work for the neurodivergent, or frankly, for anyone long-term?
And here’s the irony: in that pursuit of alignment, of purpose, of system redesign — I’ve found myself reinventing new ways to burn out nearly every week. The cognitive overload from operating in a sustained state of analysis and creation, combined with my ADHD's signature hyperfocus and sensory sensitivity, tipped me into a nervous system crash this week — both physical and emotional.
I haven’t written in two days. Not out of lack of discipline, but because my body simply said, “no.” Between my overactive mind — which has been overstimulated since the beginning of this experiment — and the consistent stimulation of creativity, I reached my capacity. In my last check-in, I shared that I had been trialling nootropics. I’ve now taken a break from them to encourage rest and allow my body to access the parasympathetic state it desperately needed.
This brings me to another profound realisation.
In my fixation on staying disciplined with the rules of the experiment — to sit in the discomfort and not let my brain romanticise the past — I had inadvertently been denying myself familiarity. And yet, when I allowed myself to re-experience something familiar recently, the effect was immediate: I exhaled. My nervous system unclenched. I rested.
The discomfort, while necessary for growth, should not be confused with perpetual deprivation. Especially for neurodivergent individuals, familiarity is often not about clinging to the past — it’s about grounding. Studies have shown that those with ADHD tend to seek novelty yet simultaneously crave structure and familiarity to regulate emotions (Shaw et al., 2014; Martel, 2009). Familiar environments can act as stabilisers in the neurodivergent emotional ecosystem.
This is part of what emotional regulation looks like in ADHD. It isn’t always explosive — it can also look like shutdowns, anxiety disguised as productivity, or stoicism masquerading as control. Emotional dysregulation in ADHD is often under-researched, despite being one of the most impairing facets of the condition (Barkley & Fischer, 2010). I’ve learned to regulate quite well. But I now suspect that some of that regulation has quietly become suppression. I’ve mistaken silence for stability.
Another overlooked piece: I haven’t given myself the time or space to grieve. The old versions of me. The parts I’ve shed, the past I’ve outgrown. In spiritual terms, I’ve aligned with my path so wholly that I left behind my past selves without pause — as though feeling deeply might unearth resistance. But grief isn’t resistance. It’s reverence.
So where does this leave me? In the coming weeks, I’ll be revisiting my stack and gently tweaking it. I’ll reintroduce spiritual practices that help regulate me at a soul level. Most importantly, I’ll try to form a healthier relationship with my creativity.
Right now, I’m anxiously attached to my creative flow. When inspiration comes, I ride it hard — afraid it might never return. This fear-fuelled cycle has cost me recovery time, basic nourishment, and sleep. The hyperfocus mode in ADHD is seductive, but unsustainable without regulation (Kooij et al., 2019). As part of this rewire, I’ll explore ways to work with creative cycles instead of against them — and treat rest as part of the process, not a reward.
In the next saga, I’ll be diving into the role of creativity, art, and their potential as a sustainable lifeline within oppressive systems. Because maybe the antidote to burnout isn’t just better processes — maybe it’s beauty. Maybe it's meaning.
Let’s rewire.
References
Barkley, R. A., & Fischer, M. (2010). The unique contribution of emotional impulsiveness to impairment in major life activities in hyperactive children as adults. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 49(5), 503–513. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2010.01.019
Kooij, J. J. S., Bijlenga, D., Salerno, L., Jaeschke, R., Bitter, I., Balázs, J., ... & Asherson, P. (2019). Updated European Consensus Statement on diagnosis and treatment of adult ADHD. European Psychiatry, 56, 14–34. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eurpsy.2018.11.001
Martel, M. M. (2009). Research review: A new perspective on attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder: emotion dysregulation and trait models. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 50(9), 1042–1051. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2009.02105.x
OECD. (2021). Fitter Minds, Fitter Jobs: From Awareness to Change in Integrated Mental Health, Skills and Work Policies. OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/a0815d0f-en
Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J., & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotion dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 276–293. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.13070966
