Pause: Wandering into the Familiar Unknown
Today was supposed to mark the start of my series reviewing the unintentional systemic pause we all experienced during the pandemic. I've collected journals, data, and various resources to dissect what could have been done intentionally to refresh our systems and ways of working.
But then—I went for a long run, the longest since my injury last May. In my own neighbourhood, I got completely lost, discovering new, beautiful corners hidden in familiar surroundings. This paradox—finding the unknown in a place I thought I knew so well—is exactly how I first fell in love with running years ago. The overwhelming gratitude I felt on today's run made it impossible not to share this instead.
This experiment has evolved naturally with each new transition and discovery but today felt like all the puzzle pieces finally clicked into place. Hand on heart, here’s what I can truly say:
I feel aligned—in a way I’ve never understood before.
I feel like I’m in two places at once—yet without any disconnect.
I feel fluid, free from creeping fears.
I feel, for the first time, no urge to control anything.
I feel immense gratitude for being able to experience all this simultaneously.
I've spent most of my life chasing purpose, assigning it labels, and pursuing missions relentlessly. These gave me bursts of motivation but deep down, I knew something was missing—hence my relentless search through mysticism, spirituality, and neuroscience.
For the very first time, my purpose has no label. I can't see anything concrete ahead, yet I've never felt more certain I’m exactly where I'm supposed to be. It reminds me of a beautiful passage by David Whyte:
"How do you know that you are on your path – because it disappears. That's how you know. How do you know that you are really doing something radical? Because you can't see where you are going. That's how you know. And everything you have lent on for your identity has gone."
Today, I finally understand that.
These moments of complete wholeness and trust naturally lead us to the right opportunities, people, and missions.
I used to worry that if I stopped working or studying constantly, I'd become lazy and directionless. But in reality, after deep rest, recalibration, and shedding layers of conditioning, creativity doesn't just return—it multiplies. I've blamed this overwhelming wave of ideas on my ADHD and hypervigilance, which may be partly true, but it's also because the creative tap is now wide open.
I'd love to end this with words like 'surrender,' 'trust,' and 'let go,' but I remember how empty they sounded to me at times when I wasn't ready to hear them. Instead, let me share a small realisation that recently hit me while listening again to a guided run.
The coach talked about how, during a run, we naturally zone out during the middle, waking up towards the end. He deliberately kept the attention uncomfortable throughout. Personally, I love zoning out, but it made me realise the power of staying present—no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
My commitment to the 99-Day Rewire has forced me to check in daily, stay present, and pay attention constantly. It’s exhausting, but days like today, when everything aligns perfectly even in the messy middle, make every moment of discomfort completely worth it.
We’re all work in progress, continually evolving through different cycles. My experiment is 3 month and yours could be 1, 2, 3 or 4. We are all work in progress and constantly change and evolve and go through different cycles but this would be your foundation. The unshakable knowing of who you are, and what you want and don’t want without being confused again.
Because confusion is a vicious cycle:
Confusion blurs everything.
Confusion arises from unsolicited opinions.
Confusion makes you aimless.
Aimlessness breeds anxiety.
Anxiety makes you feel isolated.
So, in the spirit of clarity, I leave you with this hope: that you find the deep desire to truly know yourself—your growth, your boundaries, and your joys—and then allow yourself simply to be.
Let’s rewire together!
